[Bancuri] TheDude @ LCS

[TheDude @ LCS]

This joke was left to me by my grandfather who fought in a couple of wars before he passed away and it's in regard to statues of Russian soldiers in the old USSR.



Russian soldiers,

why did they put you

up there?

Because you lied to the people,

or because your feet stink?

It's funnier in Romanian and it also rimes:

Soldaților Ruși,

de ce v-au pus

acolo sus?

Că ați mințit popoarele

sau că vă put picioarele?

[TheDude @ LCS]

• What did the pirate say when he turned 80?

Aye matey.

• Why did the frog take the bus to work today?

His car got toad away.

[TheDude @ LCS]

• Why did the yogurt go to the art exhibition?

Because it was cultured.

• What do you call an apology written in dots and dashes?

Re-Morse code.

[TheDude @ LCS]

What's a cat's favorite instrument? Purr-cussion.

Why did the crab cross the road? It didn’t—it used the sidewalk.

What’s the difference between the bird flu and the swine flu? One requires tweetment and the other an oinkment.

[TheDude @ LCS]

What do you call a dinosaur that crashes his car? Tyrannosaurus Wrecks.

How do you stop a bull from charging? Cancel its credit card.

Why don’t we see elephants hiding in trees? Because they’re really good at it.

[TheDude @ LCS]

What do call a criminal landing an airplane? Condescending.

Why should you never throw grandpa's false teeth at a vehicle? You might denture car.

[TheDude @ LCS]

I can always tell when someone is lying. I can tell when they're standing too.

Why did the egg hide? It was a little chicken.

[TheDude @ LCS]

What did the mayonnaise say when the refrigerator door was opened? Close the door, I'm dressing.

A cheese factory exploded in France. Da brie was everywhere.

[TheDude @ LCS]

What’s the latest porch chatter?

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[TheDude @ LCS]

What do you call a medieval lamp? A knight light.

What’s the difference between a piano and a fish? You can tune a piano, but you can’t tuna fish.

[TheDude @ LCS]

• How do you keep a bagel from getting away?

Put lox on it.

[TheDude @ LCS]

• Why did the chicken go to the séance?

To get to the other side.

[TheDude @ LCS]

For kid-friendly and animal jokes, see The Today Show and Reader's Digest.

[TheDude @ LCS]

Knock, knock. Who’s there? Boo. Boo who? Don't cry, it's just a joke!

Knock, knock. Who’s there? Nobel. Nobel who? Nobel, so I knock-knocked.

[TheDude @ LCS]

What did the sink ask the toilet? "You look flushed".

[TheDude @ LCS]

How do cows pay for their groceries? They use a cow-culator.

[TheDude @ LCS]

I used to work at a fire hydrant company. I quit after I couldn't find parking.

[TheDude @ LCS]

Time flies like an arrow; fruit flies like a banana.

[TheDude @ LCS]

Why don't scientists trust atoms? Because they make up everything.

What do you call a fake noodle? An impasta.

[TheDude @ LCS]

Why did the picture go to jail? Because it was framed.

[TheDude @ LCS]

Why do bees have sticky hair? Because they use honeycombs.

 

[TheDude @ LCS]

What do you call a pig that does karate? A pork chop.

[TheDude @ LCS]

What do you call a fake noodle? An impasta.

[TheDude @ LCS]

Why do bees have sticky hair? Because they use honeycombs.

[TheDude @ LCS]

Did you hear the story about the skunk?
Answer: Never mind–it stinks.