TheDude @ LCS Postat Ianuarie 23 Autor Postat Ianuarie 23 Kisi dehati nay apnay dost say kaha. Chalo shehar ki ser karnay chaltay hain. Is kay dost nay kaha dil to mera bhi buhat chahta hai lekin shehar mein jagah jagah jo hidayatein darj hoti hain in par amal karna khasa mushkil hai. Pichlay mahinay mein shehar gia. Aik jagah likha tha. Yahan thookye. Majbooran mujhay wahan thookna para. Doosri jaga likha tha raddi kaghaz is mein dalein. Mein nay road say raddi utha kar is mein daal di. Chand qadam aagay bara wahan likha tha, rafter 40 mile/fi ghanta. Bhala batao mein burha aadmi itni teiz rafter say kaisay dor sakta hon lekin marta kia nahi karta mein nay 40 mile/fig hanta ki rafter say dor laga di aur is din kay baad mein nay shehar janay say tobah kar li.
TheDude @ LCS Postat Ianuarie 23 Autor Postat Ianuarie 23 Aik martaba raat giay aik chor ghar main dakhil huwa sab log so rahe the chor ne bagair kisi pareshani aur rokawat kay sara ghar chan mara magar koyi chiz hath na aayi khosusan sona wagaira, aakhir wo soye hoye afraad khana kay pas ponhcha aur saheb ko utha ker qadre roub se bola. Sona kidhar hai. Un saheb ne beghair aankh khole itminan se jawab dia. Sara ghar khali hai jahan ji chahe so jao.
TheDude @ LCS Postat Ianuarie 24 Autor Postat Ianuarie 24 Mutahin Saheb aik lamhey kay liye kamra imtehan se baher gaye wapis aaye to dekha keh imtahan dene waley chand bachey aik doosrey kay sath baith kar aapus main batein karrahey hain. Mutahin nay foran qareeb aakar poocha yeh kia ho raha hai. Aapni aapni jagha se kiun uth kar yahan aagaye ho? Percha aapas main batain ker ke kiun ker rahe ho. Bachon mein se aik ne jawab dia hamarey sir ne kaha tha kay har kam aapas mein mil jul kar karna chahiye.
TheDude @ LCS Postat Ianuarie 24 Autor Postat Ianuarie 24 Aik kanjus shaks ki murghi chori hoi is ne faisla kia kay das din tak roti nahi khaye ga takeh mughi ka noksan poora ho jaye do din khana khanay se wo bohat dubla ho giya. Aik din wo shahar jaraha tha rastey mein is sa ziada dubla aadmi mila kanjus is se kahne laga bhayi meri to murghi chori hogayi hai magar yun lagta hai jaisay tumhari bakri khogayi hai.
TheDude @ LCS Postat Ianuarie 25 Autor Postat Ianuarie 25 Aik mahir nafsiat ko aik taqreeb main taqreer karne ke liye bolaya gia. Inhoon ne apni taqreer main bewaquf saksh ki kuch nishan’yan batayeen aur phir ye kaha ab aap logon main se jo shaksh apne aap ko bewaquf samaghta ho wo khara ho jaye. Lakin majma main se koyi bhi khara nahi hoya. Ye dakh ker chand lamhe towaqqaf ke bad aik shaksh khara ho gia. Mahir nafsiat ne poocha: han bhayi kia tum is ley khare hoye ho kay apne aap ko bewaquf samaghte ho? Is shaksh ne jabab dia: ”ji nahi dar-asal aap akely khare ache nahi lag rahe the”.
TheDude @ LCS Postat Ianuarie 25 Autor Postat Ianuarie 25 Aik aadmi shayeri main buhat mashhor tha. Wo aik din aik moshaire main gia aur apna kalam sunana shuru kia. “do paint” majma se aawaz aai. Wah……….wha!’ “do shartain.” “wah! Kia khub.” Samain ne dad di. “aik topi.” “Wah! Kia khub, dobara irshad ………… “ majma ne israr kia. Shayar ghabra kar bola.” Maaf kijye ga main gazal kay bajaye dhobi ka bil utha laya hoon.
TheDude @ LCS Postat Ianuarie 26 Autor Postat Ianuarie 26 Aik dafa Kamran Akmal ne Inzimam se kaha “Tumhari Kitni umer hai?” Inzimam ne jawab dia. “meri umer 35 sal hai.” Ye baat sun kar Kamran Akmal ne kaha “Umer to meri bhi itni hi hai magar main zara bimar simar rahta hoon.
TheDude @ LCS Postat Ianuarie 26 Autor Postat Ianuarie 26 Honeymoon key doran biwi kay dant mein shaded dard hogia.shohar use doctor key pas le gia. Doctor ne check up key baad kaha. Is dant ko aik sal qabal nikal dena chahiye tha. Shohar bola aap dant nikal kar is ka bill mere Susar ko bheej dein kiun keh yeh ghaflat inhi ki hai.
TheDude @ LCS Postat Ianuarie 27 Autor Postat Ianuarie 27 Aik kanjus shaks ki murghi chori hoi is ne faisla kia kay das din tak roti nahi khaye ga takeh mughi ka noksan poora ho jaye do din khana khanay se wo bohat dubla ho giya. Aik din wo shahar jaraha tha rastey mein is sa ziada dubla aadmi mila kanjus is se kahne laga bhayi meri to murghi chori hogayi hai magar yun lagta hai jaisay tumhari bakri khogayi hai.
TheDude @ LCS Postat Ianuarie 27 Autor Postat Ianuarie 27 Aik restaurant mein gahak nay shikayat ki keh mein gosht ka yeh parcha mosalsal 40 minute say katnay ki koshish kar raha hon magar nakam hon. Aap pareshan mat hon! Behray nay itminan say jawab di restaurant aik bajay tak khula rahe ga. Yar pareshan kiun ho? Hostel mein rehnay walay aik larkay nay doosray say poocha. Woh bola kia bataon yar! Ghar khat likha tha keh table lamp khareedna hai paisay bhej dein lekin inhon nay table lamp hi bhej dia hai.
TheDude @ LCS Postat Ianuarie 28 Autor Postat Ianuarie 28 Mutahin Saheb aik lamhey kay liye kamra imtehan se baher gaye wapis aaye to dekha keh imtahan dene waley chand bachey aik doosrey kay sath baith kar aapus main batein karrahey hain. Mutahin nay foran qareeb aakar poocha yeh kia ho raha hai. Aapni aapni jagha se kiun uth kar yahan aagaye ho? Percha aapas main batain ker ke kiun ker rahe ho. Bachon mein se aik ne jawab dia hamarey sir ne kaha tha kay har kam aapas mein mil jul kar karna chahiye.
TheDude @ LCS Postat Ianuarie 28 Autor Postat Ianuarie 28 Gayon mein aik shakhs ka inteqaal ho gia aik saheb tazyat kay liye in kay betay kay pas gaye aur poocha marhoom ko kia bimari thi. Betay nay jawab mein kaha burhapa khood aik bimari hai. Woh saheb bolay: Waqai hamaray mohallay mein bhi teen char bachay isi bimari mein maray hain.
TheDude @ LCS Postat Ianuarie 30 Autor Postat Ianuarie 30 Kisi dehati nay apnay dost say kaha. Chalo shehar ki ser karnay chaltay hain. Is kay dost nay kaha dil to mera bhi buhat chahta hai lekin shehar mein jagah jagah jo hidayatein darj hoti hain in par amal karna khasa mushkil hai. Pichlay mahinay mein shehar gia. Aik jagah likha tha. Yahan thookye. Majbooran mujhay wahan thookna para. Doosri jaga likha tha raddi kaghaz is mein dalein. Mein nay road say raddi utha kar is mein daal di. Chand qadam aagay bara wahan likha tha, rafter 40 mile/fi ghanta. Bhala batao mein burha aadmi itni teiz rafter say kaisay dor sakta hon lekin marta kia nahi karta mein nay 40 mile/fig hanta ki rafter say dor laga di aur is din kay baad mein nay shehar janay say tobah kar li.
TheDude @ LCS Postat Ianuarie 30 Autor Postat Ianuarie 30 Do pagal phagal khane k sehan mein ghoom rahe the. Unhain aik kutta dekhaii dia. Aik pagal foran us k pas ponhcha aur adab se jhuk ker kaha.”aadab arz kerta hoon hati saheb!” Doosre pagal ne kaha.” Abe kia ye hati hai?” Pahle ne jawab dia.” Mujhe bhi maloom hai k ye ghora hai main to yunhi mazaq karraha tha.”
TheDude @ LCS Postat Ianuarie 31 Autor Postat Ianuarie 31 Sabiq Cricketer Imran Khan Vote mangne kay liye kisi muhalley mein gaye. Wahan kisi ka inteqal hogia tha. Imran ne soncha k Vote mangne ka acha tariqa hai. Progam kay mutabiq wo wahan gaye. Fateha parhi bole. “Allah bakhshe marhoom mere jigri dost the. Rozana mere ghar tashreef late. Aur hum aadhi raat tak guftagu karte. Kabhi kabhi to wo mere ghar sojate. “log buhat hairan hoye. Imran Khan ne hairan hone ki wajah puchi to logon ne bataya k marne wali to ghulam rasool ki ghar wali thi.
TheDude @ LCS Postat Ianuarie 31 Autor Postat Ianuarie 31 Aik martaba raat giay aik chor ghar main dakhil huwa sab log so rahe the chor ne bagair kisi pareshani aur rokawat kay sara ghar chan mara magar koyi chiz hath na aayi khosusan sona wagaira, aakhir wo soye hoye afraad khana kay pas ponhcha aur saheb ko utha ker qadre roub se bola. Sona kidhar hai. Un saheb ne beghair aankh khole itminan se jawab dia. Sara ghar khali hai jahan ji chahe so jao.
TheDude @ LCS Postat Ianuarie 31 Autor Postat Ianuarie 31 Padri nay bachay say poocha. Betay daak khana kahan hai? Bachay nay isharay say bata dia. Padri buhat khoosh hua aur bola. Shabash betay! Kal tum girja ghar aana mein tumhein is kay silay mein jannat ka rastah bataon ga. Bacha bola: Father! Jab app ko dak khanay ka rastah nahi maaloom to aap mujhay jannat ka rastah kia batayein gay.
TheDude @ LCS Postat Ianuarie 31 Autor Postat Ianuarie 31 Teen choroon ne mil ker aik jagha chori ki. Paise apne thikane per le ker aaye to aik dosre se bole pahle paise gin lety hain phir aaram karte hain. In main se aik chor ne ye kaha. Bhai mughe to neend aarahi hai main to sota hoon, lakin tum log be imaani na karna kiun keh mujhe subha ka akhbar parhr ker bhi chori ki raqam ka pata lag jayega k hum ne ketne raqam churaee hai.
TheDude @ LCS Postat Februarie 2 Autor Postat Februarie 2 At school the teachers asks Bulă: ‘What does your dad do?’ ‘He’s a member of the Party, comrade’, says the boy. ‘What about your mom, Bulă?’ ‘Ohhhh, she doesn’t work either! Bulă’s dilemma: Shall I die now of cold or shall I die of starvation in the summer? Bulă comes back from work earlier and he finds his wife in bed with Nae. ‘Are you nuts? You are fooling around while they sell butter at the food shop?’ The teacher asks Bulă: ‘Tell us one more time Bulă who’s you father?’ ‘Comrade Nicolae Ceausescu , says Bulă. ‘And your mother, Bulă?’ ‘Comrade Nicolae Ceaușescu’… ‘And what would you to be?’, asks the teacher. ‘An orphan!’
TheDude @ LCS Postat Februarie 2 Autor Postat Februarie 2 Is communism a science? No, if it were a science, they would have tested it on animals first. An old gypsy man on his dying bad. Instead of sending after the priest, he asks for the local chief of communist party. ‘I would like to join the Party’, says the dying man. ‘Why would you do this?’, asks the communist. ‘You lived your whole life free as the wind and now you want to join the Party?’. ‘Well, you see, if somebody has to die, I would be much happier if that guy were a communist’, answers back the dying man.
TheDude @ LCS Postat Februarie 3 Autor Postat Februarie 3 A bear walks into a restaurant and says, “I want a grilled ... cheese.” The waiter says, “Why the big pause?” The bear replies, “I don’t know. I was born with them.”
TheDude @ LCS Postat Februarie 3 Autor Postat Februarie 3 Ethan: I have a bed, but I don’t sleep. I have a bank but no money. I have a mouth but can’t talk. What am I? Alice: No idea. Ethan: A river!
TheDude @ LCS Postat Februarie 4 Autor Postat Februarie 4 She went to the Wailing Wall and there he was! She watched him pray and after about 45 minutes, when he turned to leave, she approached him for an interview. “Sir, how long have you been coming to the Wall and praying?” “For about 60 years.” “60 years! That’s amazing! What do you pray for?” “I pray for peace. I pray for all the hatred to stop and I pray for all our children to grow up in safety and friendship.” “How do you feel after doing this for 60 years?” “Like I’m talking to a wall!”
TheDude @ LCS Postat Februarie 4 Autor Postat Februarie 4 A tough old cowboy from Texas counseled his granddaughter that if she wanted to live a long life, the secret was to sprinkle a pinch of gun powder on her oatmeal every morning. The granddaughter did this religiously until the age of 103, when she died. She left behind 14 children, 30 grandchildren, 45 great-grandchildren, 25 great-great-grandchildren, and a 40-foot hole where the crematorium used to be.
TheDude @ LCS Postat Februarie 5 Autor Postat Februarie 5 Dave just got a promotion in the army, but unfortunately this new position put him at the forefront of bearing the bad news. After 30 days in service, he is informed by HR that John’s wife died, and he should inform him kindly of the event. Next day at morning call, Dave goes : -John, your wife’s dead ! …after a few hours talking and excusing himself to HR, they tell him that they’ll give him another chance, this time it was Steven’s wife that passed, and that he needs to deliver the bad news in a lighthearted manner. So there he goes, plans for next day’s morning call activities. In the morning, Dave goes : -Soldiers with wives still alive, 1 step forward, you Steven, stay put ! ….again, Dave gets bollocked by HR, and told that the 3rd strike will get him out of army. His luck turns around when HR contacts him to inform Jacob that his mother passed away, again, news to be delivered with compassion. Next morning, on the call, Dave goes : - Allright soldiers, today’s the day we’re digging trenches, Jacob, you should dig deeper, maybe you’ll find your mom !
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