[Bancuri] TheDude @ LCS

[TheDude @ LCS]

Joke: How are migrating birds different from flies?
Answer: Birds fly, but flies don’t bird.

Joke: How can you make your money go far?
Answer: Put your piggy bank in outer space.

[TheDude @ LCS]

Joke: How can you tell if a bee is talking on a cell phone?
Answer: You get a buzzy signal.

Joke: How can you tell which end of a worm is the head?
Answer: Tickle it in the middle, see which end laughs.

[TheDude @ LCS]

Joke: How can you tell worms from spaghetti?
Answer: Worms can hang on to your fork.

Joke: How come frogs are such good liars?
Answer: Because they’re amFIBians.

[TheDude @ LCS]

Joke: How did one calf finish his math problems faster than the other calves?
Answer: It used a COW-culator.

Joke: How did the duck get rid of its headache?
Answer: With quack-upuncture.

[TheDude @ LCS]

 Joke: How did the farmer count his herd of cattle?
Answer: He used a COWculator.

Joke: How did the frog cross the road?
Answer: Its cousin toad it.
 

[TheDude @ LCS]

 Joke: How did the hammerhead shark do on his math test?
Answer: He nailed it.

Joke: How did the horse get a soda?
Answer: He gave the vending machine a buck.

[TheDude @ LCS]

Joke: How did the snake escape from jail?
Answer: It scaled the wall.

Joke: How do baby geese get out of their shells?
Answer: They follow eggs-it signs.

[TheDude @ LCS]

Joke: How do bees get to school?
Answer: They take the school buzz.

Joke: How do birds fly in the rain?
Answer: They use wing shield wipers.

[TheDude @ LCS]

 Joke: How do birds keep in shape?
Answer: They do a lot of eggs-ercises.

Joke: How do bulls pay for their groceries?
Answer: They charge them.

[TheDude @ LCS]

Joke: How do cows find their way home?
Answer: They follow the Milky Way.

Joke: How do deer keep their coats looking good?
Answer: They use pine combs.

[TheDude @ LCS]

 Joke: How do dentists fix dragon teeth?
Answer: With a fire drill.

Joke: How do dolphins make important decisions?
Answer: They flipper a coin.

[TheDude @ LCS]

Joke: How do elephants communicate with each other?
Answer: By elephone.

Joke: How do fleas travel?
Answer: They itch hike.

[TheDude @ LCS]

Joke: How do ghosts greet each other on New Year’s Day?
Answer: “Happy Boo Year!”

Joke: How do groups of whales listen to music?
Answer: They use their i-PODS.

[TheDude @ LCS]

 Joke: How do jackrabbits keep cool in the desert?
Answer: They use ear-conditioning.

Joke: How do monkeys go downstairs?
Answer: They slide down the banana-ster.

[TheDude @ LCS]

 Joke: How does a firefly start a race?
Answer: Ready, set, glow!

Joke: How does a fish feel when it gets caught stealing bait?
Answer: Gill-ty.

[TheDude @ LCS]

Joke: How does a flower ride a bike?
Answer: With its petals.

Joke: How does a lion like its steak?
Answer: Medium-roar.

[TheDude @ LCS]

 Joke: How does a mother kangaroo tell time?
Answer: With her pocket watch.

Joke: How does a mountain goat mom call her baby?
Answer: “Here, kiddie, kiddie!”

[TheDude @ LCS]

Joke: How does a mouse disguise himself?
Answer: He wears a mousetache.

Joke: How does a mouse feel after a bath?
Answer: Squeaky clean.

[TheDude @ LCS]

Joke: What bird is the greatest artist?
Answer: Leonardo da Finchy.

Joke: What bird shows up at every meal?
Answer: A swallow.

[TheDude @ LCS]

Joke: What birds always get out of breath when migrating?
Answer: Puffins.

Joke: What bug caused the computer to crash?
Answer: The Inter-gnat.

[TheDude @ LCS]

What did 0 say to 8?

“Nice belt.”

• What do you call a pig that does karate?

A pork chop.

[TheDude @ LCS]

• What did the football coach say to the broken vending machine?

Give me my quarterback.

• Why are elephants wrinkly?

Because you can’t iron them.

[TheDude @ LCS]

What’s yellow and custardy and may help you be more effective over the next three years?
A strategic flan!

 

Why did everyone at the nonprofit slowly back away when the facilitator came?
They were told it was a staff retreat.

[TheDude @ LCS]

Why do pirates like the US nonprofit sector so much?
There are 501 seas.

 

Did you hear about the donor who brought a saucepan to the fundraiser?
He thought he was supposed to braise the paddle!

[TheDude @ LCS]

• What’s the best thing about Switzerland?

I don’t know, but the flag is a big plus.

• Why do we tell actors to “break a leg”?

Because every play has a cast.